Imagine a life where no one understands a word you are trying to say; you do your best to keep your smile big and bright and your pants clean of any toxic odors. You love getting lotion rubbed all over your skin because it feels so good and you want so desperately to keep your great grandma from getting a pinch full of cheek. Your desire to keep chapstick applied to your lips has nothing to do with preventing them from cracking and drying but to taste the delicious flavored wax in the stick.
This …. is my life. I am 2 and it is the new year of 2015. A NEW YEAR. A chance to challenge myself and make life interesting! I present to you the list of my top 5 resolutions.
Resolution #1: I resolve to take baths without being bribed by food.
Bath time is SUPER fun. I love all my toys - my soft, squishy, Sesame Street books; my colorful and creative bathtub crayons; my tropical singing duck; and my squirting fish collection. Oh and the Bubbles!!! I can't get enough of the big, bright bubbles!!
Truthfully, I don't like to get wet. I figure if I can have a popsicle or a bowl of M&Ms I'll allow a little water to be splish-splashed on my skin and my toes dipped just a little underwater. Sometimes I “pretend” the popsicle slipped out of my hand and into the water so that I can see the water turn crazy bright colors. Uh oh Mommy!? And then I go into fits of giggles when I can splash the food colored water all over my arms and legs!
I digress. Mommy said she's not buying any more popsicles or M&Ms. I resolve to suck it up and take a bath without food.
Resolution #2: I resolve to limit my use of the word "no" to once a day.
I heard a friend at daycare say "no, no, no, no" and loved how the sound rang through my ears and sang to my heart. I couldn't help myself from copying this behavior. Even singing it at times. It's almost magical how all of the adults respond when I start my endless chant of "No." Mommy said I sound exactly like great-grandpa. He's pretty old, and funny, but I don't think I want any of my friends to find out that I am a lot like him. I’ll just learn another word for NO and chant that instead!
Resolution #3: I resolve to put on my happy face while getting changed.
This will be my most challenging resolution. I have been screaming since I entered this world and for every subsequent diaper change and wardrobe change. I hate the feeling of the cool, room temperature air hitting my bare naked skin. Quite frankly, a dirty diaper feels a lot more comfortable than a clean one. It's perfectly molded to my body, warmed up to my body temperature, and snug inside my pants. Why ruin such a good thing?
Let's talk about getting dressed. I have a favorite shirt with a picture of a Bobcat skid steer loader. If I can't wear that shirt every day, all day long, then don't bother getting me dressed in anything else. What? You say it is crusty with syrup from breakfast, smeared with dried play-doh, and wet from the milk I spilled earlier? Well, that's what makes this shirt perfect. Stop touching it and don't you dare take it off me! OK, yes… we can do our due diligence and clean it every once in a while and I'll resolve to stop my whining and wiggling when you take it or any other clothing article off of me. Maybe, I’ll even give you delirious smiles and giggles that will make you wonder if I have officially gone crazy!
Resolution #4: I resolve to allow myself to experience new food.
I really, really enjoy the taste of pancakes and pizza dancing on my tongue. I don't understand why I have to eat anything else. The Doctor says it isn't healthy, well I want proof she eats her fruits and veggies! I'm pretty sure the fruits and veggies aren't going to cha-cha in my mouth or make my belly sing praises of happy song. Mommy is always trying to convince me to taste what she's eating - salad, hamburgers, chicken curry, chili, wild rice soup. I usually take a small, itty bitty, bite to humor her. She smiles big, proud smiles for each bite I take. I like humoring her and for that, I resolve to eat more foods outside of my comfortable food bubble.
Resolution #5: I resolve to find better hiding spots when I poop.
My favorite spot is standing behind the tv in front of the big window. Sometimes, I like to go behind the plant stand that sits in front of the sliding glass door. Mommy says my “hiding” spots aren’t really hiding. If I can’t see you, you can’t see me. Right?!
I’ve started yelling from my hiding spots “mommy poop!” to let her know she has some work ahead of her. She finds it hysterical until I start running around the house, giggling, and dodging her attempts to pick me up.
With this resolution, I hope to make it harder to find me – provided I don’t smell too terrible and I can resist giving clues on my location!
There you have it -- My list of top five resolutions for 2015. From eating to pooping, it will be a great year! I really only have to do this until February, right?